To dull the pain

journey · 05-27-2008, 12:39 AM

First off, let me simply say that I'm not looking for favors, I'm looking for advice. Life is kinda pitiful for me at the moment. I've done something stupid that I told myself not to and I fear I've dug myself into a hole I'm not sure I can get out of...
There is a girl who I care for a lot. I've tried my best to impress her, and get her to notice me. (Noting outside the norm other then I've made my feelings for her rather clear)
The first time she was flirting madly, and when I asked her out she suddenly changed gears and turned me down. I backed off, I didn't press.
Now the second time (Couple months later), she was all over me (Literally. Ask aroguespirit) and she was acting like she had changed her mind. So I asked again. And this time she said yes. We went out on a wonderful date, and had a grand time. However when I took her back to her house (After blowing $60 on the date **Pretty hefty for somebody making my pay**) it was THEN that she chose to tell me that she didn't REALLY like me that way. She saw me as more of a brother figure... I backed off again. Decided to leave well enough alone and look elsewhere.
Then we went to prom (as friends) and since she was being a flirt, I flirted back. I figured nothing would come of it, we were both just teasing. But then she started to warm up to me more and more. Until last saturday.
She declared that she WAS interested. And I specifically asked "Do you really mean it? Or are you leading me on?" (The girl is a self proclaimed tease and I was not about to be had again if I could dodge it.) She said she really meant it this time, it had just taken her a while to warm up to the idea. To assure this, she gives me this Wonderful kiss (She really is very good at it).
I tried not to get my hopes up (Bad things happen when I do that..) but unfortunately I broke my own rule and I did. then TODAY we go to the movies and she all but ignores me. She's tense looking, seemed kinda upset. When I called her later to ask why (She didn't want to say anything there) she tells me that she's suddenly not ready for a relationship and that she was sorry that she was leading me on....
I'm a nice guy (Or I would like to think so) I took it in stride. Told her it was ok. Then AFTER the phone call was over I broke down.
What I'm looking for is maybe something to dull my wretched luck. Life is throwing me nothing but hardship and I can't see a silver lining anymore. My contract with work is gonna be up soon. They don't look like they're gonna rehire me and keep me full time.. Which means I can't afford college (at the moment). Fate just seems to despise me at the moment, and I see no way out. Has anybody ever been in a big rough patch that might know something to bring a spot of luck? I know no spells or anything for such things. My prayers seem to be going unheard. (I'm sure there is a reason. but it still feels like I'm being left to the wolves)
So if anybody has a recommendation. (Magical or otherwise) I would be more then happy to hear it

I need something good to come my way for once...

Groll Only · 05-27-2008, 01:10 AM

The first thing to remember is that women are irrational & for the purpose of balancing out men. Whatever she is doing is what she is supposed to do to you, i think... Alot of things could be happening here but its likely one of three things, (that just came to me).

She might like you "almost enough" to be with you but there is something (personality/physicality) that she can't get past.

She needs emotional/physical support from "somebody" for "some reason".

She is a psycho bitch who enjoys hurting you.

I hope this has been informative...

Scarlett_156 · 05-27-2008, 01:57 AM

O.o Uh... yeah.... how strange to think that if I were to exchange any other apellative for "female" to the above sentiments--for example "Mexicans" as in "Mexicans are irrational"--it would be considered "intolerant" and I would likely get a warning from a moderator.

Anyway: You concentrate more on describing your feelings here than by stating exactly what you have done magic-wise besides praying. I assume that you have tried some magic, or would not be posting under "spells and rituals". Would it be too much to ask what you have done to this point, and why you think that it didn't work...? I mean, you say that you prayed to hook up with this girl. Have you considered that perhaps your prayers were answered in the best way possible, and that the Divine power was saving you from getting involved with a person who is just totally wrong for you...?

Regardless, I will tell you the same thing that I would tell a friend or student who expressed the same problem to me: Your mistake is that you are concentrating on one specific goal, and not working on magic in a general sense. Instead of doing magic to make yourself more attractive to females that you want, for example, or to make all females more susceptible to your charms, you got hung up on one person and concentrated all your efforts (whatever they may be, I'm not sure) on making that person like you. So much for "lust of result". Naturally it's not going to work that well because of the obsessive attachment that you have obviously formed to this person.

And as far as luck is concerned, please consider that even wealthy privileged people, talented people, gorgeous people, and super-smart people have hardship in life. No one who lives does so without some hardship. Magic doesn't prevent hardship, but makes us more able to deal with it efficiently and learn from it with maximum benefit.

If I was dealing with the type of hardship right now that you are currently experiencing, I would do the following:

First I would do a divination, or more likely a series of divinations to see what I could expect in the future as far as trends. One question that I ask when I am experiencing hardship is typically "How much longer is this going to continue?" Another question I will usually ask in divination if I am experiencing a run of bad luck is: "What is the benefit to me in this?" and "Of the possible two courses of action I am considering as a resolution to this problem, which will be of the most benefit to me?" Stuff like that.
Secondly, once I had a better idea of what was going on from divination, I would perform magic designed to help me to reach the most beneficial course of action in the least amount of time. That would probably involve a sigil or two. If it was something that was a great big deal, I might evoke a goetic--which I would do only after careful consideration and a lot of preparation, of course.
Finally, I would let go of whatever was holding me to my current unfortunate situation. That is, I would let go of ATTACHMENTS. If it was a person, I would forget about that person. If it was hope for a particular job or school, I would forget about it and just concentrate on changing my luck for the better. (Magic is very helpful in removing attachments. And it may well be that after you have done a magical act to help break your attachment to the young lady, you may then realize that she was not right for you. Try it and see. At this point, what have you got to lose?)

From what you have said here, it seems that you know, that you knew from the outset, that this person is not for you. She is not your type, there is no understanding. You did pick up on the signals that she was probably just using you for some reason--doubtless a shallow and immature reason--but you would like for someone to step in and tell you that if you just do this, this, and this, then true love will be the result. Magic doesn't really work that way. I mean, I have been practicing magic for a long, LONG time and if I want for a particular person to like me, or get hung up on me, then I can usually accomplish it with relative ease--but the thing is, I have learned not to do that.

And why...? Because if your magic works and you get stuck with the wrong person--you are then STUCK WITH THE WRONG PERSON.

It's a lot harder to get rid of someone who is wrong for you than it is to attract someone who is right for you.

Let me suggest one final thing: The next time you pray, instead of asking the Divine power to set you up with what you think you want, ask it to give you what you need, without specifying any one person, situation, or thing. Chances are good that you'll see a positive outcome very quickly.

I hope this was helpful. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

Groll Only · 05-27-2008, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

O.o Uh... yeah.... how strange to think that if I were to exchange any other apellative for "female" to the above sentiments--for example "Mexicans" as in "Mexicans are irrational"--it would be considered "intolerant" and I would likely get a warning from a moderator.

Sorry i guess i came off harsh but my opinion of women is a scientific one, (if that's possible). You may find it interesting that i actually value women more after understanding that idea.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

Let me suggest one final thing: The next time you pray, instead of asking the Divine power to set you up with what you think you want, ask it to give you what you need, without specifying any one person, situation, or thing. Chances are good that you'll see a positive outcome very quickly.
Scarlett

This time we are on the same page...

**vulnera** · 05-27-2008, 06:07 AM

to dull the pain i recommend taking it out on an instrument or art. focus the pain to your advantage, brighten it... soften it according to mood. in any case, learn from the extreme emotion and grow from it in any and every way applicable...

the next hot date will likely find you irresistible.

**Qryztufre** · 05-27-2008, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

O.o Uh... yeah.... how strange to think that if I were to exchange any other apellative for "female" to the above sentiments--for example "Mexicans" as in "Mexicans are irrational"--it would be considered "intolerant" and I would likely get a warning from a moderator.

It's odd that you use the report button for soooooooooo many things and on the times where it could be used you make a public comment and things get all personal.

However, in many cases there is nothing really wrong with stereotypes if there is a ring of truth in them. For instance, the rational thing to do in this instance would have been to use the report button... but no, you had to take an apparent slight and comment on it.

Quote:

Let me suggest one final thing: The next time you pray, instead of asking the Divine power to set you up with what you think you want, ask it to give you what you need, without specifying any one person, situation, or thing. Chances are good that you'll see a positive outcome very quickly.

That is fantastic advice!

Scrybe · 05-27-2008, 08:52 AM

My personal experience with dating is to not mix finance in; she should be paying for herself, that way she doesn't feel as though you expect her to perform and you don't burn holes in your pocket. Also, that way any you root out any golddiggers.

I personally only give one chance, and if the person asks for another then they were unsure and I don't date people who are unsure. I like people who know what they want and can make up their mind.

I've been dating my current gf for several months so far, and I've only paid for her twice, and she's paid for me once. If she expected me to pay every time AND we both work (AND my rent's more expensive) I would ask her does she love me or my wallet!

Dating is about not stressing yourself in my opinion, but have fun!

Scrybe · 05-27-2008, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groll Only

Sorry i guess i came off harsh but my opinion of women is a scientific one, (if that's possible). You may find it interesting that i actually value women more after understanding that idea.

This time we are on the same page...

Not scientific, PMS doesn't happen as often as most claim. Groedinger did studies on it, but anywhzo women use it as an accepted excuse to bitch at people. Imagine you suddenly 'developed' turrets: you'd curse out that annoying bastard that works at Giant Eagle for being such a bitch, bagging bread and a watermelon in the same bag. WHO DOES THAT?!!

Also, with your reasoning a woman can understand men better if she thinks all we want is sex, food and someone to control?

Qaexl · 05-27-2008, 09:12 AM

When I first went to college, I went around trying to learn stuff about interacting with girls. I can tell you about those, but you'd have to PM me, and in any case, it is only in the past year that I found something way better.

Your instincts are spot on. The pain hurts, and it is probably something you need to take care of as soon as you can. The pain, despair, and anger (yes, Nice Guy, anger) associated with both women and your life in general can be healed. This isn't just a dulling of pain, though you will find relief suffering. More importantly, follow it deep enough in yourself, you'll find that the anger and despair comes from fear of loss, which itself spawns from birth separation anxiety, and ultimately from separation from Self.

About a year ago, I had wandered into the Buddhist section of the local bookstore. You have to imagine a small bookstore chain in the middle of the Bible Belt, where the managers have trouble hiring people who can shelve books alphabetically. And so in this dinky little section on Buddhism, I found a book with the evocative title, simply, Anger.

At the time, I had been with my girlfriend for about three or four years. The early days were particularly bad as I had to work through a lot of issues. Jealousy often made me insane with anger, and when the anger dulls down, it turns into despair. Stuff hurt all the time. Fulfilling basic survival needs hurt. I saw that book and latched onto it like a lifeline. When I started on Chapter Two, I could not h help myself -- I started trying out the techniques involved as I read them. I didn't finish the chapter that night. Instead, I ended up in bed, practicing it. It released an incredible amount of pain, energy locked into different parts of my body.

For years, I had carried this gnawing hole in my chest. It affected a lot of things, including dealing with women. I had dreams of my girlfriend just slipping away (fear of loss). I tried a lot of things to try to get rid of it. I tried filling it with energy. I tried dissolving its edges. I tried pushing it away. I tried locking it up. So when I did this technique of mindfully listening, it worked, and it worked spectacularly well.

It also comes back. But that's ok. I have something I can practice now.

I've referenced this before in several other threads, including Fluvve's Lack of Love. The technique itself I read and tried from Thich Nhat Hanh's Anger. Anger is like a howling baby. The baby does not know how to communicate in words. All the baby knows is that it needs something from you. A mother embraces the baby and holds it; she listens to the baby (mindfully), makes no judgment. She does not reject the baby. Simply by mindfully listening to the howling baby called Anger, the energy of attention eventually penetrates the energy of anger, and then transforms into something else.

What boys old enough to be men seek from women is precisely this. We want to re-experience this with our mother. Then we get old enough to walk, and we start getting socialized (boys don't cry). Then puberty and oedipal dynamics come into play (true love is now sexual, and that's a no-no with your mom), so now we're trying to seek it in socially acceptable ways -- find a girl you love who will love you back. A soulmate to complete who you are. That is why boys -- even ones in their 20s and 30s -- often put women up on pedestals, as if she were a goddess. Because that is the expectation we want.

But as you know, it doesn't happen that way. Women have their own set of issues. They have also experienced birth separation. They are not the all-embracing Goddess who will comfort away your wounds. It is not their fault, yet boys will still blame them (it isn't fair). Men and heroes of the ages have sought out their goddesses -- fame, fortune, glory -- but in the end, what you seek is in yourself. Who gives the wounded child in you comfort is you. (Realizing that you are not separate from Self is foundational for the practice of magic). All it takes is mindful listening to yourself, that self of you that is in pain -- and keep listening! for at least fifteen minutes, without your attention wandering.

I have typed up Chapter Two of the book, containing what I feel to be the meat of the technique right here. Give it a shot, and let us know if you feel better.

Namaste

Groll Only · 05-27-2008, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qryztufre

However, in many cases there is nothing really wrong with stereotypes if there is a ring of truth in them. For instance, the rational thing to do in this instance would have been to use the report button... but no, you had to take an apparent slight and comment on it.

Ok, i guess i ruffled some feathers last night but i was only trying to give good advice for the situation described. I have much experience dealing with people & especially women interacting in shall we say, "a controlled sexual environment" which allows an observer (me) the option of joining in the fun, or lurking in the shadows watching everyones actions to better understand them, while later having conversations with & manipulating situations in their lives so as to achieve a certain scenario...(to observe) Over time, in this "unique position" i am able to understand most aspects of people & especially women relating to their basic self.

I stand by my original statement that women are irrational but i didn't mean 100% of the time & i don't mean "only" when they PMS. It more has to do with their methods relating to life purpose in that they tend to do things that make sense to them, (like when they say "it was for your own good") but seem hurtful & of ill intent.

Its also one of those things thats not as bad as it sounds. Being completely irrational would be just as bad & unhappy as being completely rational. In my opinion, (from my observations, conversations & harsh experience) women provide the element of irrationality that undoes the wound up knot of rationality that men struggle with & then often go off to war over in some way. Women also provide a man with motivation to do what he will.

I suppose a softer/nicer way (not my style) to restate my original post on this, from what i see (based on reading alone) you will never fill the shoes of what she has already set as standard for Mr. Perfect. Sure those standards may change & you could try to keep what spark seems to be there, (or at least keeps coming back) going for whatever amount of time is possible (maybe for life?), but its much more fulfilling and healthy to be with someone who is somewhat equally exited to be with you. A "healthy relationship" is not one where its very existence remains in doubt. Also, when its "right" or "meant to be", things will naturally sort of happen without constantly having to try to figure out how to take things to the next level or whatever...

This is why the three options i gave you left "no way to win".
& i was drinking...